Daddy says, “go out and get a boyfriend” probably somebody with eyes like a stingray probably somebody that builds things probably somebody who would go bald by thirty
but daddy her eyes are better than poetry and i think my ears are addicted to how she sings in the shower while water holds her curves the way my fingers always want to and i’m fucking obsessed with how she’ll laugh while kissing you because she just thought of a joke she’s heard and she lets me cook dinner even when i burn it and when she curls up next to me i finally feel like i’m home and maybe we don’t have much between us but our love is a running start and maybe she can’t fix a car
but she sure as hell healed my heart.
"Her beautiful blue-grey eyes and dark hair, kindness, compassion… I think about her every day.” /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Aug 09 22:12 with 1,679 notes

At some point, you’re just going to have to say
“this is my body, and it is the right body for me.”

your body might be the underscore of self-destruction
with scars and stitches and broken skin and long nights
etched into your palms and in the bags under your eyes
but you are not an embarrassment and you are not
weak and you are not a failure, you are human and
capable of crumbling
so show off those wolf teeth and say
“this is my body, and I am surviving”

your body might be sharp angles or soft curves or
somewhere in between and every time
you take a picture of yourself, i hope some part of you says
“goddamn but do i look good today” because even if
ten hundred people call you ugly
if you’re happy, they have no power over you
because weight and worth have no correlation
so if someone comments on what you’re eating,
keep eating anyway and tell them
“this is my body, and it’s my place to say. i can change things
about it, but during this journey i still love all the things
i see along the way.”

your body might come with equipment you don’t want to use
or you don’t think really belongs to you and
you’d like to change and i want you to know
that’s perfectly okay because you were
never a mistake and i love you however you
were made and if someone tries to remove the choice
of how you express yourself, you show them
your hands all full of potential and say
“this is my body and if i choose to knock it all down
or rebuild or just change the color of the paint:
not a single drop is any of your business anyway.”

your body might come with injuries or illnesses
that make people walk on eggshells around you
as if you were made of glass but they probably
don’t know that cancer scars never stopped my mother
from making excellent desserts or how my brother’s
disabilities never stopped him from achieving
and now he’s making prosthetic limbs for children
because your definition does not start or end with
what you’ve struggled through
and i hope if someone tries to hold you back
you show them
“this is my body and just because it doesn’t work like yours doesn’t mean i can’t love it”

your body might come in any color of the spectrum
and you might carry the weight of heavy silences and
clenched fists but any person that tries to justify cruel behavior
with the idea that skin and equality should somehow
be interlinked - you already know but they’re wrong
and they always have been and i cannot believe
it is 2014 and i’m still having to explain this
so if someone so much as hints that they think
they can determine anything based on race
don’t say anything just punch them directly in the face
but then when you’ve laid them out and are
shaking out your fist maybe toss over one shoulder
“this is my body and it’s excellent”

because at some point you’re gonna
fall in love with all of this
like how my ribs are supersized and i’ve got
fat on my hips and my tummy has rolls and
my thighs like to kiss and maybe it’s not perfect
because my hips still crack and i messed up my back but
this is my body and
it might not be right for everyone
but it’s what’s right for me
and it took me a long long time
to realize this and i think it’s because
other people look at me and say
“this is your body and i would like it to change”
but
this is my body
and it’s just fine this way.

Essays from a thick-thighed Cuban with weird spindly arms (and capable of oh so much.) /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Aug 09 22:11 with 2,152 notes

i. when they ask where it hurts, you go home
and knock on your bones and they sound
so hollow, you will whisper that it hurts
everywhere, everywhere
everywhere

ii. your lips will taste like fireball whiskey
and the night will be so wild you cannot tame
your darkness and when they ask you why you
are trying to drown memories or maybe just
yourself, laugh like a maniac, do not tell them you
are just trying to fill an emptiness so threatening
it has started to smell like dead bodies, do not say
you are just done with faking being happy every day
every day every single goddamn day

iii. when you kiss people you don’t care about
and claw your way out of their covers
or when you stay home from parties and shut yourself
behind thick doors and lose every number
or however you choose to lay down your spine as dynamite
so you can selfdestruct socially
when they ask you why you’re doing this to them say you’re
just having a bad day don’t tell them you’re not good enough
to be with them don’t say that people make you sad don’t say
you think each person you meet secretly hates you
don’t say you’re sick of people everyone
every one every single person

iv. four is the number of death when they ask why you
smell of it
and why your smile doesn’t actually look right
on your lips
say you’re tired
don’t tell them you’re tired of everything every leaf every
atom every fucking sad poem every stupid shitty thing on this
too-loud planet with shitty people and shitty poets and shitty
friends and shitty feelings just seriously
every thing

v. when they ask you what’s the matter
lock the answers behind your broken teeth, swallow the key,
feel it hit your stomach while you rip lies out of yourself,
take your bloody fingers, hide them, maybe wipe them off
on the corners of your shirt, do not tell them you are the ice of
saturn’s rings
just show them the best impression of happy you can manage
and say
nothing,
nothing
nothing.

Bad nights make poets write. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Aug 09 22:11 with 3,004 notes

see what people don’t get
is that you can be doing okay for
days weeks months
and all it takes is one word, one look,
one wrong thing
and suddenly your body becomes an avalanche,
you become a disaster zone and
winter retakes your soul

and girls like me, we walk around with caution tape around
our fingers, with hearts so heavy that our arms
are sick of dragging them along with us, we are
cities that are constantly in danger
of being set on fire
i mean what if your own mind was the reason
you couldn’t sleep
what if you woke up this morning because your brain was
talking too loudly, what if the only time you feel
good about yourself
is when you feel
empty

and boys like me and people like me and
rabbit-hearted lovers who just want to feel
the morning sun
without wondering if we should start our workouts now, who
just want to hug our families again without
worrying they’ll notice we reek of our own
disappointment,
who just want to go to our friend’s house without
turning down every food offered only to
offend her:
we are so afraid of what will happen -
of what does happen -
when we slip for a second and our control
goes spiraling
so we give into every word the voices in our head
are saying, we give up our thick hair
we give up our strong bones, we give up
calling this body
our home
in search of an image that’s been
sold to us so strongly
we’d give up our everything
just to feel
wanted

and broken little human beings like me
we live like tornadoes and too-calm seas,
trapped in a horrific dance between
a beautiful and inspiring recovery and
opening our windows just to feel
the breeze and finding ourselves
stepping out on that ledge,
a deeper hunger in our hearts
than anyone ever sees: this
odd and sudden need
to just become a brittle white
chalk outline
to paint these empty streets.

For the person who requested a poem about how addicting eating disorders can be. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Aug 09 20:23 with 2,610 notes
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